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MLB Thanks: It’s Not Thanksgiving, But it Certainly Isn’t Too Early to Say Thanks to Baseball Part 3

Thanks to the Milwaukee Brewers and San Diego Padres for Ryan Braun and Chase Headley’s collective one-upping competition for the National League RBI crown. Outside of that there wasn’t anything outstanding from either of you.

(Prepares to write next part, stops–)

I take that back, thanks Milwaukee, for not signing Prince Fielder. Fiscal insanity or no, we needed him in Detroit.

Thanks to the Toronto Blue Jays for playing like the Colt Brenna- era Hawaii Warriors, complete, all-out offense and not a ton of anything else.

Thanks for the umpteenth time (not the team, just the word mind you) to the Cincinnati Reds for, well I’m not sure. (Calls out to no one in particular, “Why are we thanking the Reds?”)

Thanks have to be given to the tremendous career Chipper Jones has had with the Atlanta Braves. It was a joy to watch. Thanks also to Atlanta for not being a complete bonehead about the situation and flipping him for 100 cents on the dollar halfway through his career.

Thanks also go to Magic Johnson and the Dodgers’ collective brass. They invested Mitt Romney’s years’ worth of pocket change in a team and came out with the biggest trade in baseball history in terms of salary cap implications.

Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, thanks for introducing the greater population to Mike Trout as well as continuing to confuse the average fan about where you’re really located.

 Kansas City, like the Yankees, gets thanks for letting the Tigers trounce them. We appreciate the wins each year.

The Cubs get deserved thanks after finally settling on a direction for the club (possibly Boston 2.0 in five-to-seven years) and not throwing down ridiculous amounts of cash on whichever outfielder had a flash-in-the-pan/ breakout season.

The St. Louis Cardinals get thanks and props for showing us that a manager with no experience can work. (Notice how there’s no mention of the White Sox?) Thanks for leaving that door open for whenever Jim Leyland retires.

Thanks Washington Nationals, you gave the “other” Washington playoff baseball for the first time in a while. Good on you.

That leaves us with… (checks list of all 30 teams, 29 of which are cros-)

The ARIZONA DIAMONDBACKS. Sorry, excuse the all-cap yelling, they were the last team left. Thanks to them for, well, giving a reason to yell in a piece.

So, there you have it, thanks for the wonderful season. And thank goodness for the hot stove.

You can read part one here, as well as part two here.

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